Today, I made somebody laugh.
And it wasn’t just a little hee hee kind of laugh. Oh no. It was a real belly-buster, punctuated with guffawing snorts.
I thought: “I am good at this. I am good at making people laugh.” I felt proud and accomplished. I felt really good and really happy about it.
I let myself replay the experience a few times in my mind. You know what I mean – replaying what I said, then what they said, until that final glorious explosion of laughter. And of course the smile on my face.
I like to feel good.
I love to be moved, my emotions swirling, my heart opening. A look, a smile – not much else is needed! A thoughtful word – nuanced and subtle – can send me into multi-layered reverie.
On some days, I set aside time to enjoy my feelings. I don’t mean when they are a reaction to something that has happened. I mean that I choose particular feelings, and allow my senses to immerse into them, understand them and be with them without judgement or expectation.
Inner peace is one of my favorites.
I wish feelings didn’t get such a bad rap. We are told to reign them in when making decisions, or to not get too emotionally involved in a relationship or situation. As children we are taught not to cry, or to “tone it down” when excited. And then we shut down and distrust even the most basic and vital emotions.
It doesn’t have to be that way. We can instead choose to become fascinated by our emotions and feelings and allow ourselves to discover them and pursue them out of curiosity and desire. By doing so, we get to know ourselves better, and experience life with more awareness, texture and sensibility.
Now that sounds more like it!
How about you? Do you avoid your feelings? Or, do you find yourself drawn to people who do not value them? Tell me more. I want to hear about your favorite feelings and how you experience them.
Joy to you my friend!
I can procrastinate like a pro, and I say mean things to myself.
I sometimes wonder how many Ted talks I can take before I go insane.
There are only so many chocolate truffles I can eat. Period.
I hear this: “You can have it all!”
At the local diner, I can eat a free piece of pie with my dinner on a Thursday.
I could save a species if I signed my name on a petition.
I encounter choices daily.
At times, I do not want to know anymore, even if it is the most exciting, latest discovery. Or receive the bargain of the century.
Why? Simply because I want to be quiet. I want to feel my thoughts without devices pulsing, vibrating in my personal space. I do not desire to feed the consumer/success monster that currently rules our collective consciousness. And I am part of the collective – so I speak from experience.
Maybe this is an act of rebellion.
I know that I would rather turn the computer off and feel the earth beneath my feet, the snow on my fingers.
To have time to relish the majesty that life exudes in all directions.
I know this. To partake of these experiences feeds my natural appetites. And by so doing, I move away from blurred lines.
In our “More is More” culture, what are you saying “no” to? Which experiences would you prefer to be having?
I’m having a bit of a whine to myself right now, actually.
If I listen quietly enough, I can distinguish the repetitive moan. It is saying, “Where’s mine?”
I have to roll my eyes at it because I’ve heard it before. This script goes something like this: “I do so much for us.” “ You do not even see me.” “You do not value me or my being.” “ I need more from you.”
I know this is a script because I am feeling sorry for myself. Not on all levels of my being, but enough for it to put a damper on my energy.
Sometimes I feel the same energy when I am cleaning or writing. Interesting, right?
When I am involved in this type of “where’s mine?” internal narrative, I feel that I deserve to be given to, and loved in the way I want to be loved. I am entitled to success in any endeavour that I start. The more I listen to the story, the more I believe that I deserve more, better and sooner – but I feel less; I feel empty and alone.
To deserve something (in my case ease, love, success) implies that I have to be worthy to receive such gifts, which in turn suggests that I have to do something or perform in order to receive the rewards that I seek. This internal conversation about deserving ultimately implies that I am not good enough as I am to receive these gifts and experiences in my life.
In reality, no one gets what they deserve because there is no entity making such decisions. There is no wizard behind the green curtain tallying good works, pulling levers and granting favors.
Do we think that God, the Universe or the Great Spirit “owes” us if we suffer? Or that suffering, hard work or sacrifice can push us up on the ladder of deserving and success?
I do not believe there is some cosmic reckoning going on behind the scenes of our everyday lives, deciding who succeeds and who fails.
Instead, the “deserving” when reframed, circles back to us as a choice. It is up to us to choose what we get and how we feel and so on. And by viewing ourselves through this reframe, we free ourselves from habits that keep us locked in behaviors that leave us love-dependent, awaiting Prince Charming and otherwise passively hoping for success.
This lone distinction of practicing choice in all our actions, thoughts, feelings and relationships - instead of staying in a holding pattern, awaiting our “due” – draws us ever closer to the hallowed qualities we aspire to experience: happiness, joy, success love and so on.
But the difference being that, they arise from within.
Oh happy day!
So back to me and my complaint. Writing this piece has allowed me to practice my choice muscle. I realize that:
- I choose to be in this relationship.
- I choose to write.
- I choose to clean.
And all these choices move me forward. For that I am grateful.
What are you choosing in the present moment? How does it make you think and feel? Feel free to share with me in the comments – I would love to hear how you are practicing making choices in your life.
All time faves
- The top 11 tips for manifesting
- How to make friends with money
- Want to leap? Find out what’s calling you.
- Feeling heavy or overwhelmed? Sigh and let go.
- A Pocketful of Rainbows
- How to heal the pain that changed you
- Wrapping up 2012 – Loose Ends and Auld Lang Syne
- “Live your life as if death were on your shoulder”? No thanks!
- Mantras, affirmations and feel good formulas
- A feast, a fast, and what a good poop can do for your health