According to Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”
That’s one hug every hour. Do you get enough hugs? If the answer is no, here’s one way to make it happen: upon meeting a friend or loved one, hug them 3 times. That way you can be ahead of the game before you know it.
As much as we need hugs and laughter in our lives, we also need depth, alone time for contemplation and reflection. We require depth every day. Time set aside to dive past doubts, chatter and to-do lists; to truly connect with the deeper, quieter self.
When we prioritize and pursue this inner relationship with ourselves we enter the possibility of having our greatest love affair. An affair that ignites and enlivens our most profound desires: to be known and seen; to be felt and self-expressed. And more than that, to connect to the wisdom that resides within each of us.
A wisdom that understands that we are not separate from the source, that we are full as opposed to empty, and that goodness is our true nature.
It is always within our reach. When we touch that part of ourselves it fills us completely and naturally extends our bounty of joy, love and support to others. It feels fabulous to let go of the small and embrace the whole.
I want to share one of my favourite ways to cultivate this relationship with myself – one version of creating me time: I like to sit in a sunny spot and look outside. I consciously relax my focus and my body by telling it that there is nothing to do but be in that moment. I look out and observe the desert outside my window. My breathing softens and I continue this process until I begin to feel a deep relaxation.
I immerse myself in this, urging myself to go deeper and opening my focus wider still. My breath moves down all the way down to my belly, my eyes look without looking, and sounds swirl around me as I encourage myself to go deeper. At some point I may close my eyes as the desire to go within pulls me.
I can sit in this way for long periods or for short bursts. I sit without agenda or goals, just gentle nudges to be present. I do this exercise daily because it is like my soul dips momentarily into the pools of unlimitedness or is fed the best soul snack.
And then when I am done, I get on with my day able to see the beauty and endless possibilities that exist in and around me. If I don’t take this time for myself the quality of my life and relationships is vastly reduced. I begin to experience my day as somewhat off or I squeeze my mind too much and am impatient with others. I rush, chase and control the minutes.
Now it’s your turn: Do you create “me” time for yourself?
Do you like to hug or be hugged? How about laughing? Do you ever sit and feel yourself being pulled in deeper, like when you stare at a spot and can’t blink? Doesn’t that feel amazing? Dare to dive deep this week and see what’s within you!
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Photo credits: Anne Stavely